Surviving the 3 Stages of Motherhood-Become A Calm Mama

The Body Stage

In the first 6 years of your kid’s life, parenting is very, very physical. Your kid is all over your body, wanting to be held, holding your hand, just wanting to be close to you.

You’re using your body a lot so you’re physically drained, but you might also feel really bored at times because it’s not that mentally stimulating. When I was in this stage, all I wanted was a place where I could lay down and not have anybody touching my body.

If you’re in this stage now, the goal is to take excellent care of your body. I’m not talking about fitness or the size or strength of your body. The key is thinking about how to rest your body and take care of it in a way that feels really good to you.

Maybe it’s taking a long shower or bath, getting a massage, watching TV or laying down in the afternoon while your kid is napping. Be gracious with yourself. Of course you're tired. Of course you need rest.

If you have the resources, you can also think about getting a babysitter for just a few hours a week so that you have a bit of a break. A family member or friend might be willing to help you out with this, too.

The Mind Stage

When your kid is between 6-12 years old, you move into the mind stage. These years feel like a jigsaw puzzle of scheduling. You're trying to figure out how to get dinner on the table, get homework done, manage appointments and schoolwork and get your kids to the practices or activities that they need to get to.

With your kids, this is also a time when you’re doing a lot of teaching and talking. They have questions. They want to complain and problem solve with you.

The mental load during these years is huge. Your mind is going to be taxed during these years, so you need to figure out how to take mental breaks. What can you do to just relax and have fun?

This is a great stage to spend more time with other moms. Maybe you love to read or want to do something creative or artistic. Maybe you just want to mindlessly watch Love Island for hours. No judgment here!

If you’re at home during the day, taking a break before the kids get home from school will help you feel recharged and ready for the problems, sibling squabbles, homework, activities, etc. that start when they come in the door.

The Heart Stage

When your kid gets into middle school and high school, you enter a stage where your heart is concerned for them all the time. It feels existential. It feels scary. It feels like you don't have as much power or control. Your kid is making decisions. They're creating new friendships. They're away from you a lot more, often for longer periods of time.

This is the stage that I’m reaching the end of right now. My heart is so tender. I feel for myself. I get scared sometimes. I get overwhelmed. I get angry. I get worried. I have a lot of emotions. And I also feel for my kids as they go through all these hard stages of life.