The Devalue Phase

My Healing Village

28-07-2022 • 28 minutos

Building a positive self-image does not happen overnight. It requires conscious effort, commitment, and inner strength. For some people, it takes years to outgrow the childhood experiences that damaged their self-esteem and made them question their self-worth. Yes, for most of us, it has been and is still a constant struggle.

What’s worse than dealing with your own childhood trauma is when somebody tries to manipulate you by making you question your worthiness, your beauty, and your essence as a person. Especially with narcissistic partners, our minds may be tricked into believing that our self-image is dependent on how they see and love us.

When they start being over-critical, when all you get are mixed signals and inconsistencies in words and actions, and when they try to put you down in whatever way they can – that’s when the devalue phase begins.

Remember, though, that before you can be devalued, you first have to be valued. That’s why it is so important to understand the love bombing stage before you try to figure out the devalue phase.

It may seem like a tall order to always be attentive to the red flags in your relationships, but you will thank yourself later on if you’re able to unmask your abuser even before the worse forms of abuse begin – and the love bombing and devalue phase may be the right timing for that.

Learn more in this episode as I share some personal experiences and things to look out for to know if you’ve reached the devalue phase!

Healing Points of This Episode:

  • Understanding what happens in the love bombing phase will help you recognize red flags during the devalue phase.
  • There are signs to look out for to know if you have reached the devalue phase.
  • Narcissists and/or abusers might have gone through their own childhood trauma and it is okay to feel emphatic towards them, but it is never our responsibility to be their savior.
  • It’s okay if you don’t know how to move on just yet. You may start with something easier like not going back and not allowing yourself to be love bombed and devalued.
  • Understanding the devalue phase will save you from further pain.

Words of Healing:

  • Each time you allow a narcissist back into your life after they've already devalued you,  the abuse will become more frequent and worse than the time before.  So remember the narcissist's discard was not meant to cause you pain.  It was meant to save your life. – Regina Marie
  • The devalue phase is where you have the best chance to walk away unscathed. – Regina Marie
  • “I didn't know I was a narcissist actually.  I thought narcissism meant you love yourself. And then someone told me there's a flip side to it. It's unrequited self-love. – a quote from a diagnosed, recovering narcissist
  • “You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.”  – quoted by Regina Marie from Instagram
  • You don't always attract what you are.  You sometimes attract people who are in desperate need of what you are.  – Nashiha Pervina, author, storyteller, and visionary

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