The Session: Fear of Intimacy

The Session with Tom Russell

08-02-2024 • 24 minutos

We are thrilled when listeners suggest topics for the podcast!  We appreciate Theresa suggesting this topic for our podcast this week!  You can suggest topics about faith, family, or psychological issues to

The Session:  Suggested by Theresa: Fear of Intimacy & How to Get Passed it

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly

From Focus on the Family:

According to the National Sexual Violence and Resource Center:

· One in three women and one in six men have experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime in the U.S.

· 81% of women and 35% of men report significant short- or long-term impacts such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Lies From the Enemy

The abused convinces themselves as their fault.

· They see themselves as bad and unredeemable.

· They constantly try to reach an on realistic standard.

· They also hate their bodies because damage, therefore, no one would want them.

Rehearsing The Abuse During Intimacy And Anxiety Symptoms

· Experiencing flashbacks especially during intimacy is to suffer through angst during a sacred moment that should be enjoyed. Often the spouse who is not experiencing the anxiety symptoms does not realize that his or her spouse is not fully engaged in intimacy

Reliving The Traumatic Experience If The Spouse Is Forced

· A spouse may replay her sexual trauma in her mind if her husband is dominant or commanding during intimacy. He may desire a vibrant sexual experience without any malicious intent. To the victim, it may come across as too forceful.

· They become accustomed to staying quiet and being oppressed. This mindset becomes distorted when the victim of sexual trauma accepts discomfort during intimacy with her spouse and never says anything.

Startling Easily When Touched Or Surprised

· Victims of unprocessed sexual trauma may exhibit a chronic sense of hypervigilance. Unexpected touches are neither pleasant nor appreciated.

Developing unhealthy sexual habits at a young age

· Sexual abuse can lead to unhealthy sexual behavior at a young age. This can impact the cognitive and emotional development of a child. They don’t excel at learning because of sexual secrets. Depending on their age they can feel inferior or dirty.

Thoughts from Scott:

Can there be other causes of a fear of intimacy other than sexual abuse or trauma?  Like you’re afraid you won’t satisfy your partner, you don’t feel confident in the bedroom Olympics, lack of self esteem, etc?


Ephesians 5:28

· “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” This verse can bring peace to someone who was previously abused and is now married.


· What happened to you was horrific, and your feelings are valid. Being aware allows the victim to bring the feelings to the light.


· Denial is a defense mechanism. It gives the Enemy power over you. By not bringing your experience to light, the Enemy can continue to feed you lies about the trauma.

Share Your Memories With Your Spouse

· Be open and honest with your husband or wife about your feelings. Sharing your feelings can build trust which can facilitate intimacy

Journal Your Feelings

· Journaling can be a safeway to express your feelings. It can be healing to write to a person in your memory who was hurt. It is also true that healing that if you have the person who was hurt write to the person that is in the here and now.


· Prepare can facilitate the discovery of sexual abuse

· Children are most vulnerable to abuse between the ages of 7 and 13

· Where, when and by whom is dictated by school activities and after school independence with older children.

(National Institute of Health)

· Studies show that pornography is positively linked with child physical and psychological abuse, partner physical abuse, and alcohol consumption.