The Session with Tom Russell

What started as an idea for one episode covering the 3 Fuels of Anger has become 2 episodes, with Scott pouring out his anger issues for you and Tom to sort out.  Who's bright idea was this?The Session:  The 3 Fuels of AngerEcclesiastes 7:9   Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.1. FearThose things that we fear in life also fuel our anger. A good example when I was a school teacher I also had a fear of heights. My children regularly helped me remember that.How did I react? I got angry.2. Frustration A good example of frustration would be the Cleveland Browns. They seem to be improving and then they make for trades or changes that keep them unsuccessful.3. HurtA good example here would be when someone says something that crosses your boundaries and hurts. You could also be something they forget to do like remember an anniversary or a birthday.TreatmentThat’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.The communication highway helps with anger managementWhen a person feels hurt, they should speak in terms of an eye statement. I feel . . . . when . . . . .The listener hears and reflects, validates and empathizes PrayerPray that God helps you with the presence of the fruit of the SpiritJames 1:19-20   My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.Dealing with Anger...God's WayTransforming Feelings into God's Peace Through Self-ControlJoyce MeyerWe have all experienced anger at some point in our lives, and it can be a real problem. Though it starts as a harmless feeling, it can quickly grow into something dangerous that’s hard to control.But with God’s help, we can learn how to deal with our feelings and walk in His peace.I’ll admit, years ago I pretty much did and said anything I felt like. I have a pretty strong personality, so if you said something to upset me, there was a good chance I would let you know about it.Thank God, over time He changed me through His Word and helped me begin to manage my emotions through the power of His Holy Spirit.I learned how to operate in self-control, which means I didn’t always say everything I wanted to say. Now, that’s freedom!Along the way, God also helped me to understand that anger in itself isn’t wrong...Is It a Sin to Be Angry?I’ll never forget one particular morning about 25 years ago. I was preparing to go preach at a ladies meeting at my church in St. Louis when my husband Dave and I got into an argument. I admit, I was really mad!I continued to think angry thoughts and have angry feelings. Then my anger turned into guilt and I thought, How can I possibly go to church and tell others how to conduct their lives according to Scripture if I cannot control my anger?The feelings of guilt not only continued but they intensified. As the pressure mounted, I started to feel almost frantic when suddenly God spoke to my heart and said:“Anger is not a sin—it is what you do with it that becomes sin.”  That day God showed me something that was very life-changing for me. He brought me to Ephesians 4:26-27 (AMPC), and I suddenly saw these verses in a different way than ever before.The Bible says, When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].These verses don’t say, “Don’t get angry” or “If you ever get angry.” They say, “When [you are] angry.”We’re all going to be angry at times, but it’s not feeling anger that’s a problem. The problem comes when we act on those feelings.At times, I’ve really wished some of my feelings would go away, but usually they don’t. I’ve learned that God is not necessarily going to change them, but He is going to change me so I can be stronger than they are.We need to be in touch with our feelings and take responsibility for them, but we can’t allow them to control us.Dealing with Anger at Its OnsetSome people have been upset for so long that they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore.For many years, I was angry about being abused by my father when I was a child, yet I wasn’t really even conscious of the fact that I was mad about it.Although I was attempting to be a loving Christian, I was angry and harsh and hard. I loved God, but I hadn’t gotten serious enough with Him to say, “I want to do things Your way and I need Your help.”Proverbs 16:32 (ESV) says, Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.A person who rules their spirit demonstrates self-control. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that’s given to us to help us control ourselves.This means when we feel a certain way, we canchoose not to act on it if we know it’s against the Word of God.Now it’s important to understand that if you let your feelings—especially anger—get into a rage, then you may be at the point of not being able to control yourself (Ephesians 4:27).That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.That morning when I read the passage in Ephesians 4, I realized that God was saying there is a way to be angry and sin not—there’s a way to make a decision about what we’re going to do with our anger before it gets out of control.And He has given us some tips in His Word about how to do it...How to Stay Cool, Calm & CollectedSecond Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to take every thought captive into the obedience of Christ before it becomes a stronghold in our mind. In other words, we can choose what we are going to think and dwell on.We can continue to fuel our angry emotions with wrong thoughts...or we can take a stand and, with God’s help, refuse to allow the situation to get out of control.So, when you feel yourself getting upset, the sooner you say “No!” to those thoughts and feelings, the better. Instead of letting the anger control you, you can pray something like:“God, please help me. I know being upset is not going to get me anywhere. This person hurt my feelings and that was wrong, but I’m not going to act on this. With Your grace and strength, I’m going to control myself, and I’m going to trust You to take care of the situation.”I want to encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you. Let go of any angry feelings you’re holding on to and...

The Session: The Power of Extending & Receiving GraceEphesians 2:8  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God…”The Impact of Receiving Grace What are the benefits of grace to Christian?Dr. Gregory Jantz wrote, “But grace is much more than just erasing the past; it is about writing the future. That’s because when we are freed from the thicket of regret, blame, and shame, we can show grace to others in every situation. It’s the ultimate form of “paying it forward.” Only Jesus has already paid our tab..” What are the benefits of grace to Christian?According to Sermon Central, Grace brings 10 great benefits to our lives:We are SAVED by GRACE. The only way to Heaven is through the doorway of grace. ...We're FORGIVEN by GRACE. ...We're SUSTAINED by GRACE. ...We're HEALED by GRACE. ...We're LIBERATED by GRACE. ...We're given TALENTS by GRACE. ...We're USED by GRACE. ...We're KEPT SAVED by GRACE.Receiving Grace Can Set Us FreeHis grace sets us free from the bondage of the things that hold us back. When we turn to Him, we can experience that kind release and that kind of freedom in our lives. Because of grace, Jesus died on the cross for us. It was the ultimate sacrifice to set us free.·        John 8:32  “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”Grace is said to set people free from sin and its power, as well as from the punishment of sin. Grace is also said to free people from the bondage of guilt.The Impact of Extending GraceMarion Star said, “Grace gives us a new life which is not condemned by God. Through God's grace we are forgiven, transforming our thinking, resulting in the renewal of our mind and heart. Through grace we live the kind of life that God would like every one of His children to experience. “Grace leads to peace2 Peter 1 says, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our love Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (vs. 2-3) Rev. J Street wrote, “The definition of grace could be “God's life, power and righteousness given to us by unmerited favor.” It is through grace that God works effective change in our hearts and lives. Grace gives us a new life which is not condemned by God. Through God's grace we are forgiven, transforming our thinking, resulting in the renewal of our mind and heart.” Ephesians 4:29 NIVDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen,”

Sorry, no show notes for this one.  This is the first of a two-episode conversation I had with my daughter, Erin about her daughter, Allison.  My hope is that our conversation raises awareness about just how truly beautiful and special kids with exceptionalities are, and that they have a role in our world today.

Sorry, no show notes for this one.  This is the first of a two-episode conversation I had with my daughter, Erin about her daughter, Allison.  My hope is that our conversation raises awareness about just how truly beautiful and special kids with exceptionalities are, and that they have a role in our world today.

The Session: How We Are Different Because of FaithAnd without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)We Will be More ConfidentThe writer of Hebrews 11:1-2 explains faith like this, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.”We are more confident in our decisionsWe will have a Godly WorldviewBy faith, we understand that the universe was formed at God‘s command so that what is seen was not made out of what was visibleWe will by face put confidence in Psalm 139:13 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb"We Will Be More at PeaceII Corinthians 12:9,“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’” So when we are weak in our faith our God is made strong.We will be confident to Do More Challenging ThingsPaul writes in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”Psalm 46:1 is also an encouragement when we face struggles, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.We will have more faith when God appears silentIsaiah 55:8-9 tells us, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”Joyce Meyer writes, “The tendency to want to know about everything that's going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you.” How are we better or different physically emotionally and spiritually because of FaithMental and emotional impact:Faith can provide a sense of comfort, purpose, and support, which can mitigate stress and anxiety, leading to positive physical outcomes. No direct physical alteration: There's no scientific evidence that faith itself directly changes the structure or function of the human body on a biological level.Individual variations: The impact of faith on physical health can differ greatly based on personal beliefs, practices, and individual circumstances. In Counselling the Culturally Diverse Theory and Practice (2016), it says, “it appears that people require faith as well as reason to be healthy and that psychology may profit from allowing the spirit to re-join matters of the mind and body.” It seems that society is seeing the importance of the Spirit as well. His ways are not our ways.”Events like this happen so that God can grow our faith. It is important that we approach them with patience.Action PointIt is important that we grow our faith in God’s timing. To do that we also have to grow our trust in Him.

School's been in session for a bit, maybe you're noticing some changes in your child.  Maybe their teacher is telling you about some behavioral issue.  It could be Attention Deficit Disorder, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  In this episode, Tom & Scott talk about some symptoms and possible treatments.The Session:  AAD/ADHD SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENTRomans 5:4-5, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Notice that hope comes from character, which comes from perseverance, which comes from suffering. Inattentive ADHD, your greatest struggle will come from problems such as high distractibility and feeling zoned out. Due to the challenges you face with focus and attention, you are more likely to avoid tasks requiring sustained mental effort.Inattentive ADHD makes it difficult for you to complete tasks and stay organized. It can also make you feel impatient or moody. These things can affect your relationships, as well as your performance in school, at work or during activities. Symptoms and CausesWhat are the symptoms of inattentive ADHD?The symptoms of inattentive ADHD include having trouble or difficulty with the following behaviors:Paying attention to the details and/or making frequent mistakes while doing tasks.Staying focused on long-winded tasks (like reading, listening to a presentation, etc.).Listening to others.Following through on tasks or obligations. You can easily lose focus in the middle of a task.Managing time and meeting deadlines.Performing tasks that need significant brain power, like filling out forms or writing reports.Keeping track of common items needed to complete everyday tasks (pencil, wallet, keys, phone, etc.).Staying in the moment without distractions.Remembering to complete routine tasks (chores, errands, appointments, etc.).Although everyone experiences problems paying attention and focusing at times, if you have inattentive ADHD, you’ll experience these symptoms so often that they interfere with your daily functioning at school, at work, with friends and family or in social situations.What are the causes of inattentive ADHD?The cause of inattentive ADHD is unclear. Research suggests the following may contribute to ADHD:Genetics.Anatomical makeup of your brain (how certain areas of your brain form and function).Is inattentive ADHD hereditary?Studies show that inattentive ADHD can run in your biological family, so you’re more at risk of developing it if someone related to you has it. School Related Symptoms ADHD/ADDRelationship strugglesInability to write on grade appropriate levels on paperActivity out of their seats in class and very obstinate about returning to their seatsNot paying attention and disturbing their neighbor sitting next to them in classNormalizing ADHD/ADDAlmost everyone has one condition or another. Some people are Dyslexic, some wear glasses, some have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Asperger Syndrome, Tourettes Syndrome , some have Sleep Apnea,Christians should be patient and have compassion on anyone who has a condition that makes their life more difficult than someone who doesn’t have one. After all, God created them that way for a reason and a purpose - who are Christians or anyone else to say that they are not worthy of kindness and respect? Everyone should view and treat people with these or other conditions as nothing less than people.TreatmentDoing homework  (From Scott...this sounded funny to me too.  So I grilled Tom about it on the episode.  Give it a listen!)Sitting through dinnerChanging activitiesPlaying quietlyPaying attentionSupport groups for parentsCognitive behavioral therapyAnger managementFamily therapyPsychoeducational therapyMedicationRelexxiiMedication’s release neurotransmitters in the brain that help level out ADDdopamine and norepinephrine.Vyvanse

October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  In this episode, Tom & Scott share some ideas on how to bless your Pastor (AND their families) this October...and really, all year!The Session:  Pastor Appreciation Month1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 (NIV): “Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”Pick a different strategy for the week. Do it every day of the week. Do this for the entire month of October.  (From Scott:  This kinda sounds like Tom's goal setting strategies too)1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 (NIV): “Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.” Here are some ways to bless pastors during pastor Appreciation MonthPray: Pray for your pastor's spiritual vitality, protection from Satan, and the grace and love of God. You can also pray for their family.Give a gift card: A gift card to a restaurant or an Amazon or iTunes card can be a great gift for a pastor.Post pictures with the pastor: Share pictures of yourself and the pastor at church events on social media.Adopt a local church: Send a care package to another church in your area or serve together with another local church.Speak encouraging words: Let your pastor know how the Lord has changed you.Write a note: Write a note with encouraging feedback about their sermon.Set out a gift basket: Set out a gift basket in the church lobby for members to leave notes and gifts.Mow the pastor's lawn: Mow the pastor's lawn when their family is on vacation or ministryConnect with the church office manager. Find out your pastors likes and needs and organize a plan to meet themEncourage time off and 48 hour getaways!Develop assistant pastors who can carry some of the loadEncourage the pastor toPlan for more than Sundays.ResourcesRemember the pastor's role is 24-7; assign a person or persons to be on-call to help in emergencies. Identify people within the church who can counsel or advise others whether that means listening to problems or pointing them to a professional. Also, before your pastor hits the beach, determine the type of events about which he or she would like to be contacted. (Resource UMC) The Gravity Community is an online community of practice for Christians to stay connected and learn together in an environment that's safe for questions and doubts. Join the Gravity Community for connection and support for struggling pastors.

Here's your first reminder!  Pastor Appreciation Month is just a couple weeks away!  As you think about how to honor the Pastors (AND their families) in your church, Tom & Scott talk about some alarming statistics about why it's important to honor those who serve the Lord and teach you.The Session: The Pastoral GrindProverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"Stress, loneliness and political division are the three items that rise to the surface.56% of pastors say stress of the job is the biggest issue.(43%) of Pastor, say “I feel lonely and isolated. TreatmentPastors should have a leader outside of his churchPastors should have a small group that they attend with their spouse outside of the church they pastor. Pastors should have a support group that they can be supported in. It should be a safe place where they can vent pray and be supported. If there isn’t one that you’re aware of then maybe start one and invite a number of other pastors to a luncheon to talk about..The following statistics are likely a result of not feeding themselves before the Lord. Without safe people to talk about how they feel it is very difficult.Only 26% of the pastors said they had regular devotions.This is very important. So, in their spiritual bank account, they are running on a negative balance, because they are always withdrawing from that account without depositing in to it.70% of pastors suffer from depressionWithout close relationships or a support group it is difficult to share and open up.77% of pastors believe they are not in a good marriage. 50% of pastors end up in divorcePastors have to prioritize their marriages.  They have to be assertive with their church to get the time and space to do it  They are a role model to their people.40% of pastors have had an extra marital affair.Hurting people turn to the pastor who is hurting which is when needs get met outside of marriage.70% of pastors only study the word when doing sermon prep.They are not exercising their spiritual muscles. 70% of pastors do not have close friendsThere has to be a personal life.  (From Scott….should those friends be outside the church the Pastor serves in?)  Tom's answer?  YES! 35% of Pastors struggle with from sexual sin.  This leads to loneliness and divorce.As Rev. Dr. Glenn Packiam—author of The Resilient Pastor—writes in Barna’s The State of Your Church, “We need sages to advise us, leaders to direct us or hold us accountable, peers to remind us that we aren’t alone, healers to dress our wounds and companions who carry us when we can’t carry on.”

Screen Time.  It's become the age-old fight of the home.  But how much screen time is really appropriate and healthy for our kids?  Tom and Scott talk through that in this episode.The Session:  Screen Time and Our Kids     Based on an article from Fox News Aug. 11, by Melissa RudyThat’s according to a recent Denmark study led by Dr. Jesper Schmidt-Persson from the University of Southern Denmark. It looked at the effects of reduced screen media exposure on youth mental health.Eighty-nine families with a total of 181 children and teens were randomly assigned to one of two groups. The first group had to surrender their smartphones and tablets for a two-week period, and limit use of other screen media — such as TV and computers — to three hours or less per week, not counting work or school. The control group did not have any limitations. The average ages of the children ranged from 4 to 17, averaging at 8 to 9 years old.The families filled out a Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ) at the end of the study period that gauged the children’s psychological symptoms.The groups that limited kids' screen exposure saw improvements in mental health — particularly in how they managed their emotions and communicated with peers in helpful, considerate ways, plus a decrease in behavioral difficulties."Our study provides causal evidence for a link between a family-based reduction in screen media use and improved mental well-being," Schmidt-Persson told Fox News Digital via email."Healthy children and adolescents benefit from reduced screen media use if parents also reduce their use," the researcher said. (iStock)"The size of the effect was surprising to me, because we only included healthy children and adolescents," he went on. "Thus, it is important to note that healthy children and adolescents also benefit from reduced screen media use if parents also reduce their use."Risks of excess screen time for kidsIn 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory related to youth social media use, emphasizing mental health concerns."There is evidence that children who have excessive screen time or access to social media at young ages are more likely to be depressed or anxious," Dr. Joshua Stein, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and clinical director at PrairieCare in Minnesota, previously told Fox News Digital.In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory related to social media use among youth, emphasizing mental health concerns. (Matt Cardy/Getty Images)The expert cited a Gallup research study from 2023, which noted that teens who were on screens more than five hours a day were 60% more likely to express suicidal thoughts or self-harm. "Those children were 2.8 times more likely to have a negative body view and 30% more likely to describe ‘a lot of sadness,’" added Stein, who was not involved in the Denmark research.Access to smartphones and social media increases the risk of cyberbullying, depression, sleep-related concerns, self-harm and body image issues, according to Stein."It can also lower self-esteem, and can socially pressure people to act outside their morals and family beliefs," he added.Teens who were on screens more than five hours a day were 60% more likely to express suicidal thoughts or self-harm, a study showed.The study did have some limitations, the lead researcher noted."One of the key limitations is that the mental health outcome was parent-reported," Schmidt-Persson said."Thus, parents in the screen media reduction group may unknowingly have overestimated the effect if they believed that reducing screen media use is healthy for their child."What’s a healthy amount of screen time for kids?For kids ages 2 and older, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends capping screen time at two hours per day. It discourages any use of media for children younger than age 2, per its website.For kids ages 2 and older, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a cap of screen time at two hours per day.  (iStock)The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) outlines specific guidelines for each age group on its website.For babies up to 18 months, it recommends limiting screen use to video chatting with an adult.Between a child's age of 18 month and 24 months, its guideline is to use screens only for educational programming.For kids between 2 and 5 years of age, the AACAP recommends a limit of one hour per weekday and three hours on weekends for any non-educational screen time."To be honest and point blank, the least amount of screen time is healthy for children," an expert told Fox News Digital. (Matt Cardy/Getty Images)It does not specify an hourly limit for ages 6 and older, but does recommend encouraging healthy habits and limiting screen-based activities."To be honest and point-blank, the least amount of screen time is healthy for children," Dr. Zeyad Baker, a pediatric physician with Baker Health in New Jersey, previously told Fox News Digital.He admitted that it gets trickier for parents to moderate use when kids need to do homework online — and he believes the quality of screen time comes into play when setting limits."I think if you are doing family screen time on an educational level or if kids are using screen time to dig deep into valuable information and topics at a limited capacity, that is very different from watching and absorbing mindless content on the internet on a consistent basis," Baker said.An expert recommends only allowing children to have access to social media or certain television channels on the weekend and limiting screen time to academic-related content during the week. (Cyberguy.com)He recommends only allowing children to have access to social media or certain television channels on the weekend and limiting screen time to academic-related content during the week.Parents should not make screen time limitations come across as punishment, the expert noted."Instead, they should encourage other activities, like going outside to play," he said. "Not only is that good for physical health, by adding activity and increasing vitamin D levels, but it's also great for their mental health."Schmidt-Persson recommends that parents attempt to reduce family-wide media use and make room for more leisure time without the use of screens. "I recognize that it is not easy, but making simple and unders...

National Grief Awareness Day is August 30, so on this episode, we talk in some detail about grief.  What causes it, how to handle it in a productive way, and some possible therapies that might help.The Session: National Grief Awareness Day (Aug. 30)II Corinthians 1:3-4Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"Dr. Gregory Jantz-Whole Person CareMultiple CausesGrief can take many forms, from the death of a loved one to divorce, job loss, or chronic illness.Emotions or feelings of grief can include sadness, denial, despair, shock, guilt, numbness, relief, helplessness, and/or anger. Many grief sufferers also experience anxiety or depression, which can vary in its longevity.Body’s reaction to griefWhen you’re grieving, different hormones and neurochemicals flood your brain. This can result in symptoms like disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety, all of which can have a big impact on your brain function.Cortisol (sometimes called the “stress hormone”) is often released more frequently and in higher quantities during grief, in particular over the six months after the loss of a loved one. The five stages of grief is a model of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist.The 5 Stages of GriefDenialThe time it takes to process the loss of a loved one means there is a lag between learning the information about their passing and your brain beginning to process what this really means – that they are not coming back. This type of shock can also make you feel very disconnected from the rest of the world. It can be incredibly confusing to see life carrying on around you while you feel as though your world has stopped turning.AngerFeelings of anger can surface after a death in several different ways. You may feel angry towards the person who has died, or anger at yourself if you feel you should have done or not done certain things before they died. You could feel both of those feelings simultaneouslyBargainingBy making deals with yourself, the world, or with God, the reality of death can be held at bay for a little longer. It’s also a way to try to get some control over what has happened, hoping that by holding up our end of the bargain is a way to feel less pain.DepressionThis stage is perhaps the most familiar to those who’ve experienced grief and to those who have witnessed it. Living without your loved one can feel impossible, and the sadness and longing can be very intensely painful. The depression stage often comes in waves over months or years, leaving the bereaved feeling as though nothing matters, and even that life is not worth living.AcceptanceWhile grief can leave people feeling like they will never be able to accept the loss of their loved one, many people do find the pain eases.Treatment from Scripture:Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"Other Treatment Options:Writing Jesus a letter.   Ummm…..the USPS doesn’t deliver to “Heaven”…What would Jesus say to you?Make a video of the loved one(A thought from Scott)  Talk to someone.  Pastor, friend, parent, spouse, someone you trust

The Session: Preparing Your Children For The School Year With Maslow’s Heiarchy as a Guide, from Simon & SchusterMatthew 19:14  "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these'"Scott’s question:  Does this work for home schoolers as well as traditional students?Who is Maslow?Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who developed a theory of psychological health.· His theory was based on the developmental stages of a child being met to help the child develop into a self actualized state.Physiological Needs As It Relates To Students· Hungry· Thirsty· Exhausted· Freezing· Over heated· Sick· In PainSafety· If we feel safe and confident that we are not in pain, discomfort, we avoid pain and hunger. We are able to begin to learn.· Social MediaChildren aged 8–12 spend an average of 5 hours and 33 minutes per day on screen media, while teens spend 8 hours and 39 minutes.Social· “Peer Priority”· We feel safe and secure then we are ready to belong to a group of people. To our children that means their friends are vitally important. Children are now ready for belonging and love.Self-esteem· Once you were child feels accepted in a group they are now wanting to have special status. That status includes being admired and respected.· John 4:16-18 NIV ... “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is ...· 1 Peter 2:9 – A Chosen People. "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises ...Self Actualization· Finally, now our core needs are met, we're ready to pursue our deepest desire for self-actualisation - to become the most complete and authentic version of ourselves.· Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails"Celebration Of Success · Goal SettingVisionLong TermShort TermGoals of the WeekGoals of the DayLearningStyles· Kinestec-Physically feel it· Experiential-hands on / movement· Auditory-lecture/ music· Visual-graphs / charts· Whole to part / part to whole· Social-collaboration / teams

The Session: National Grief Awareness Day (Aug. 30)  We honor this day with a conversation about dealing with grief, and the 5 stages of grief.II Corinthians 1:3-4Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"Dr. Gregory Jantz-Whole Person CareMultiple CausesGrief can take many forms, from the death of a loved one to divorce, job loss, or chronic illness.Emotions or feelings of grief can include sadness, denial, despair, shock, guilt, numbness, relief, helplessness, and/or anger. Many grief sufferers also experience anxiety or depression, which can vary in its longevity.Body’s reaction to griefWhen you’re grieving, different hormones and neurochemicals flood your brain. This can result in symptoms like disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety, all of which can have a big impact on your brain function.Cortisol (sometimes called the “stress hormone”) is often released more frequently and in higher quantities during grief, in particular over the six months after the loss of a loved one. The five stages of grief is a model of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist.The 5 Stages of GriefDenialThe time it takes to process the loss of a loved one means there is a lag between learning the information about their passing and your brain beginning to process what this really means – that they are not coming back. This type of shock can also make you feel very disconnected from the rest of the world. It can be incredibly confusing to see life carrying on around you while you feel as though your world has stopped turning.AngerFeelings of anger can surface after a death in several different ways. You may feel angry towards the person who has died, or anger at yourself if you feel you should have done or not done certain things before they died. You could feel both of those feelings simultaneouslyBargainingBy making deals with yourself, the world, or with God, the reality of death can be held at bay for a little longer. It’s also a way to try to get some control over what has happened, hoping that by holding up our end of the bargain is a way to feel less pain.DepressionThis stage is perhaps the most familiar to those who’ve experienced grief and to those who have witnessed it. Living without your loved one can feel impossible, and the sadness and longing can be very intensely painful. The depression stage often comes in waves over months or years, leaving the bereaved feeling as though nothing matters, and even that life is not worth living.AcceptanceWhile grief can leave people feeling like they will never be able to accept the loss of their loved one, many people do find the pain eases.Treatment from Scripture:Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"Other Treatment Options:Writing Jesus a letter.   Ummm…..the USPS doesn’t deliver to “Heaven”…What would Jesus say to you?Make a video of the loved one(A thought from Scott)  Talk to someone.  Pastor, friend, parent, spouse, someone you trust

In this "retro" episode from 2022, Tom & Scott look at a tough topic as school starts...bullying.  How do you know if your child is a victim?  How do you if your child IS a bully?  We talk through it.ScriptureWe should treat others the way we would like to be treated (Luke 6:31). Definition:  Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.Researchers who study bullying cite three common characteristics of what makes an act bullying:· Bullying is intentional and tries to cause harm or distress to the victim.· Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.· Bullying happens repeatedly over a period of time.Bullying According to the American Medical Association, states by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another.Cybersmile.com· This is a list of resources for victims of bullies, suicide prevention, depression and moreAccording to the American Medical Association, by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another.What to do? 1. If you see something, say something.Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that have been bullied at school. 2. Understand who you are in Christ.Meditate on passages like Psalm 139:13-18, which tells us that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God’s thoughts toward you are too numerous to count. 3. Even if you are wronged, respond in a Christ-like manner.When we are in the midst of a painful situation, it can be very easy to forget who we are in Christ and how he has called us to act. Thus, if you ever find yourself being bullied, there are a couple of principles that you need to keep in mind.· First, we should never try and get back at a bully or seek revenge.· Second, it’s okay to stick up for yourself if you are bullied. Christians can often be confused by passages such as Matthew 5:39 and Luke 6:29 which tell us to “turn the other cheek.· Third, Reach out to those being bullies Lastly, we need to reach out to those being bullied. One of the best ways we can do this is to befriend them and invite them to hang out with us. Not only will this make them feel loved, accepted, and less alone, it also acts as a deterrent to bullying. Bullies are much less likely to pick on someone if they are in a group of friends than if they are alone

The Session: Role models-who are/were your role models?  Who do/did you look up to?  What characteristics led you to make them a role model?  We sort that out in this episode! Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, (Titus 2:7) Characteristics of Jesus, Leadership· Compassion Jesus demonstrated compassion in all interactions and advocated for a world of love and forgiveness.· Selflessness Jesus' teachings and example of selfless leadership put leaders in a position of humility, where they may even suffer for the benefit of their followers. qqqw· Integrity Jesus acted in a way that was consistent with what he said, such as when he laid down his life to take away sins.· Servant leadership Jesus put the needs of others before his own and acted as a servant first. For example, he washed the feet of his disciples, even during difficult times.· Visionary leadership Jesus had a clear vision of his mission and purpose, and he communicated it effectively to his followers, inspiring them to work towards a common goal.“This knowledge provides a new vision that allows us to see God and His plan for our lives more clearly. Without this vision, we are left to wander in the dark down a path that ultimately leads to destruction.  (Christianity.com)· Emotional intelligence Jesus understood and managed his emotions well.· Encouraging the heart Jesus encouraged people by showing concern for future benefits, rather than the immediate gratification often associated with success.· Embracing other cultures Jesus had a cross-cultural gospel focus and was not afraid or offended by people from other cultures. For example, he went out of his way to talk with Samaritans, even when they rejected himLeadership traits, excerpts from Gavin AdamsTruth-· Jesus always told the truth· Jesus set boundariesHe retreated to his own space to pray· Jesus wanted heart transformation more than just behavioral change· Jesus delegated From Biblical Leadership· He saw potential instead of perfection.· He forgave even before he was forsaken· Jesus asked questions.· He served others rather than expecting to be served.Biblical Role Models Nehemiah· A man of character, persistence, and prayer· Brilliant, visionary, organizer, and motivator· Calm in the face of oppositionJoshua· Joshua was prepared and very encouraging· Joshua trusted God· Joshua was very committed to God· Joshua held his people accountableContemporary Role Models Dr. James Dobson· Humble· Sincere· Authentic and genuineTom Hanks· Forrest Gump· Private RyanScott-I’m going to push back on this a bit.  Why do these roles make Tom Hanks a role model?  The characters he played, yes, but not him.  You could also toss Toy Story in there…Denzel Washington· Gives credit for his acting ability to God· Remember the Titans  Tim Tebow· Former Florida Gator and NFL quarterback, currently very involved with human trafficking prevention.  · Golfers who use their professional platform to glorify Jesus. Some include Tom Lehman, Steve Stricker, Scotty Scheffler and Rickie FowlerPersonal Role Models· Phil Hall· Tom Schuler· Ray NetheryWhat makes them role models to you?What is one characteristic you could taken from them?

The Session: The Impact of Anxiety on our brains and bodies Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.· Mental Anxiety can cause feelings of dread, fear, panic, or uneasiness. It can also lead to difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a sense of detachment from yourself or the world. People with anxiety may also have obsessive thoughts, flashbacks, or nightmares. Emotional Anxiety can lead to low mood and depression, and can make it difficult to maintain relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. It can also increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. These can include ( Physical )· a churning feeling in your stomach· feeling light-headed or dizzy· pins and needles· feeling restless or unable to sit still· headaches, backache or other aches and pains· faster breathing· a fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat· sweating or hot flushes· sleep problems· grinding your teeth, especially at night· nausea (feeling sick)· needing the toilet more or less often· changes in your sex drive· having panic attacks. TreatmentThe Christian cannot worry about a situation if he trusts God in the situation. Jesus finished his teaching on anxiety by saying, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” This is the crux of the issue of anxiety. This is the heart of the cure!  The Bible lists anxiety as a common problem throughout human history. Fear and lack of control are often the underlying reasons for anxiety. Behind fear, there is often doubt and a lack of trust in God's sovereignty over our lives. Our anxieties, fears, and doubts create barriers to a deeper faith in God. Treatment Implications· Anxiety is a sign that we are not trusting our God enough. The higher, the anxiety, the lower the trust is in our God.· If we can change what we are thinking we can change what we are feeling· Sleep - There’s a direct correlation between low levels of sleep and higher levels of anxiety· Poor sleep leads to worrying. Worrying leads to poor sleep. Worrying about sleep is like your mind trying to fight itself. That's a horrible place to be.(Mind.org.uk) How did I know you would bring THIS UP????  😊· Stress is The body reacting to what the mind is thinking. If the mind is stressed and anxious the body will react to it. ADRENALIN and CORTISOL are released as well as Epinephrine · It creates panic and a crisis reaction that is life interrupting· 3 Culprits that are ingested that ignite anxiety ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE and SUGARY FOODSOther treatments:· Walk, jog, or work out. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better.· Eat healthy meals regularly. Good nutrition helps your body and your mind.· Sleep well. Getting enough quality sleep can help you feel better during the day.· Practice relaxation techniques. A shower, deep breathing exercises, or time in a quiet place to collect your thoughts can help relieve stress and make you feel more at ease.· Get involved. Volunteer, join a club, or take up a hobby to share your strengths and wisdom with others.  Take the focus off of you, focus on someone else!

In this episode, we take a look at how anxiety, worry and stress impact us physically and emotionally.  The Session: The Impact of Anxiety on our brains and bodies Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.· Mental Anxiety can cause feelings of dread, fear, panic, or uneasiness. It can also lead to difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a sense of detachment from yourself or the world. People with anxiety may also have obsessive thoughts, flashbacks, or nightmares. Emotional Anxiety can lead to low mood and depression, and can make it difficult to maintain relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. It can also increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. These can include ( Physical )· a churning feeling in your stomach· feeling light-headed or dizzy· pins and needles· feeling restless or unable to sit still· headaches, backache or other aches and pains· faster breathing· a fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat· sweating or hot flushes· sleep problems· grinding your teeth, especially at night· nausea (feeling sick)· needing the toilet more or less often· changes in your sex drive· having panic attacks. TreatmentThe Christian cannot worry about a situation if he trusts God in the situation. Jesus finished his teaching on anxiety by saying, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” This is the crux of the issue of anxiety. This is the heart of the cure!  The Bible lists anxiety as a common problem throughout human history. Fear and lack of control are often the underlying reasons for anxiety. Behind fear, there is often doubt and a lack of trust in God's sovereignty over our lives. Our anxieties, fears, and doubts create barriers to a deeper faith in God. Treatment Implications· Anxiety is a sign that we are not trusting our God enough. The higher, the anxiety, the lower the trust is in our God.· If we can change what we are thinking we can change what we are feeling· Sleep - There’s a direct correlation between low levels of sleep and higher levels of anxiety· Poor sleep leads to worrying. Worrying leads to poor sleep. Worrying about sleep is like your mind trying to fight itself. That's a horrible place to be.(Mind.org.uk) How did I know you would bring THIS UP????  😊· Stress is The body reacting to what the mind is thinking. If the mind is stressed and anxious the body will react to it. ADRENALIN and CORTISOL are released as well as Epinephrine · It creates panic and a crisis reaction that is life interrupting· 3 Culprits that are ingested that ignite anxiety ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE and SUGARY FOODSOther treatments:· Walk, jog, or work out. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better.· Eat healthy meals regularly. Good nutrition helps your body and your mind.· Sleep well. Getting enough quality sleep can help you feel better during the day.· Practice relaxation techniques. A shower, deep breathing exercises, or time in a quiet place to collect your thoughts can help relieve stress and make you feel more at ease.· Get involved. Volunteer, join a club, or take up a hobby to share your strengths and wisdom with others.  Take the focus off of you, focus on someone else!

Don't be afraid, we'll wrap up our conversation on phobias in this episode!The Session: Phobias No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. I Corinthians 10:13 The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that phobias affect approximately 10% of U.S. adults each year. 328 million people in 2019 6 million adults have phobias Types Fear of Open SpacesAgoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong.Typical agoraphobia symptoms and other symptoms include fear of: spiders, snakes heights and public speakingLeaving home alone.Crowds or waiting in line.Enclosed spaces, such as movie theaters, elevators or small stores.Open spaces, such as parking lots, bridges or malls.Using public transportation, such as a bus, plane or train.Other common phobias include:Arachnophobia, an intense fear of spiders     (ur ak nuh fow bee uh)Ophidiophobia: an intense fear of snakes   (Sounds like: ow fuh dai ow fow be uh)· Acrophobia: an intense fear of heights· Aerophobia: an intense fear of flying· Cynophobia: an intense fear of dogs· Astraphobia: an intense fear of thunder and lightning· Claustrophobia:  Fear of Enclosed Spaces ... Fear of enclosed spaces. Feeling claustrophobic, or fearing a tight, enclosed, or confined space, includes symptoms Treatments/Therapies· Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) A cognitive behavioral therapist will teach you how to manage and alter negative thoughts that arise from situations that trigger your claustrophobia. ...· Rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) ...· Relaxation and visualization. ...· Exposure therapy - In this form of therapy, psychologists create a safe environment in which to “expose” individuals to the things they fear and avoid. The exposure to the feared objects, activities or situations in a safe environment helps reduce fear and decrease avoidance.4. Medication.   (How do these meds help with phobias?)· Zoloft· Prozac· Celexa· Lexapro5. Benzodiazepines.      · Xanax· Klonopin· Valuim· Lorazepam/AdavanHelpful Tips: 1. Be realistic. Your fear habit is ingrained in the way you think, feel, and act. It takes time to change this habit. Be persistent. If you hit a snag, no worries. Just do the next thing. Dispute the thoughts! 2. Do the basics. Get enough sleep (about 8 or 9 hours daily), eat nutritious foods, drink ample water, avoid caffeine and alcohol, (WHY?) and exercise regularly. A medical checkup is wise too. 3. Renew your mind, part 1. Get rid of all negative, trashy, ungodly inputs from music, television (including news programs), the internet, video games, and reading materials, including most popular magazines and novels, and replace them with God-honoring alternatives, especially the Bible. 4 Pray. Philippians 4 is the apostle Paul’s answer to freedom from anxiety. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” 4:6–7, ESV. When you react to your problem with thankful prayer, peace replaces anxiety, even fear of panic attacks. As prayer becomes your habit, you’ll experience peace time after time. When thankfulness becomes a habit, doubt dissipates. Remember this: God promises not to allow anything to happen to you that is too much for you to bear. 5.Renew your mind, How you feel and act is a product of your thinking. When you think godly thoughts, godly emotions and behavior follow. “As (a person) thinks within himself, so he is” (Proverbs 23:7, NASB). Replace the lies you believe with the truth of God. I’ve developed a Thought-Emotion-Behavior download to help you do this. I encourage you to make copies and learn to replace ungodly thoughts with godly thoughts every day. The goal is a renewed mind according to Romans 12:1–2 and Ephesians 4:23, among other Scripture. Some unusual phobias Scott found.  Not all are mentioned on the podcast:Vestiphobia:  Fear of ClothingPeople with the condition may fear a specific garment, or they may be scared of tight-fitting clothing that causes one to feel constrained. In extreme cases, the patient may withdraw from society completely in order to avoid being clothed. Bananaphobia: Fear of bananasOne such case was reported in the Daily Mail(opens in new tab). According to this report, a female patient had been scared of bananas all her life, so much so that she could not stand being in the same room as them without feeling nauseated. Psychotherapy, the woman claimed, was able to help her overcome the bananaphobia.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia:  Fear of Long Words!often brought on by early experiences of shame and embarrassment when pronouncing long words. This phobia may particularly affect patients with dyslexia, according to a 2011 review published in the journal The Reading Teacher(opens in new tab). Toilet PhobiaToilet phobias is a term used to describe a number of conditions in which people have difficulties around using the toilet, according to the charity National Phobics Society. These phobias may manifest as fear of being too far from the toilet, fear of using public toilets, or fear that others may be watching or listening when using the toilet. People with these conditions may go to extreme lengths to avoid going to the bathroom.

Hopefully, this episode of the session won't be too scary...Tom said he has a fear of scary!  Please enjoy this episode from the 2023 archive!The Session: Phobias No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. I Corinthians 10:13 The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that phobias affect approximately 10% of U.S. adults each year. 328 million people in 2019 6 million adults have phobias Types Fear of Open SpacesAgoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong.Typical agoraphobia symptoms and other symptoms include fear of: spiders, snakes heights and public speakingLeaving home alone.Crowds or waiting in line.Enclosed spaces, such as movie theaters, elevators or small stores.Open spaces, such as parking lots, bridges or malls.Using public transportation, such as a bus, plane or train.Other common phobias include:Arachnophobia, an intense fear of spiders     (ur ak nuh fow bee uh)Ophidiophobia: an intense fear of snakes   (Sounds like: ow fuh dai ow fow be uh)· Acrophobia: an intense fear of heights· Aerophobia: an intense fear of flying· Cynophobia: an intense fear of dogs· Astraphobia: an intense fear of thunder and lightning· Claustrophobia:  Fear of Enclosed Spaces ... Fear of enclosed spaces. Feeling claustrophobic, or fearing a tight, enclosed, or confined space, includes symptoms Treatments/Therapies· Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) A cognitive behavioral therapist will teach you how to manage and alter negative thoughts that arise from situations that trigger your claustrophobia. ...· Rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) ...· Relaxation and visualization. ...· Exposure therapy - In this form of therapy, psychologists create a safe environment in which to “expose” individuals to the things they fear and avoid. The exposure to the feared objects, activities or situations in a safe environment helps reduce fear and decrease avoidance.4. Medication.   (How do these meds help with phobias?)· Zoloft· Prozac· Celexa· Lexapro5. Benzodiazepines.      · Xanax· Klonopin· Valuim· Lorazepam/AdavanHelpful Tips: 1. Be realistic. Your fear habit is ingrained in the way you think, feel, and act. It takes time to change this habit. Be persistent. If you hit a snag, no worries. Just do the next thing. Dispute the thoughts! 2. Do the basics. Get enough sleep (about 8 or 9 hours daily), eat nutritious foods, drink ample water, avoid caffeine and alcohol, (WHY?) and exercise regularly. A medical checkup is wise too. 3. Renew your mind, part 1. Get rid of all negative, trashy, ungodly inputs from music, television (including news programs), the internet, video games, and reading materials, including most popular magazines and novels, and replace them with God-honoring alternatives, especially the Bible. 4 Pray. Philippians 4 is the apostle Paul’s answer to freedom from anxiety. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” 4:6–7, ESV. When you react to your problem with thankful prayer, peace replaces anxiety, even fear of panic attacks. As prayer becomes your habit, you’ll experience peace time after time. When thankfulness becomes a habit, doubt dissipates. Remember this: God promises not to allow anything to happen to you that is too much for you to bear. 5.Renew your mind, How you feel and act is a product of your thinking. When you think godly thoughts, godly emotions and behavior follow. “As (a person) thinks within himself, so he is” (Proverbs 23:7, NASB). Replace the lies you believe with the truth of God. I’ve developed a Thought-Emotion-Behavior download to help you do this. I encourage you to make copies and learn to replace ungodly thoughts with godly thoughts every day. The goal is a renewed mind according to Romans 12:1–2 and Ephesians 4:23, among other Scripture. Some unusual phobias Scott found.  Not all are mentioned on the podcast:Vestiphobia:  Fear of ClothingPeople with the condition may fear a specific garment, or they may be scared of tight-fitting clothing that causes one to feel constrained. In extreme cases, the patient may withdraw from society completely in order to avoid being clothed. Bananaphobia: Fear of bananasOne such case was reported in the Daily Mail(opens in new tab). According to this report, a female patient had been scared of bananas all her life, so much so that she could not stand being in the same room as them without feeling nauseated. Psychotherapy, the woman claimed, was able to help her overcome the bananaphobia.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia:  Fear of Long Words!often brought on by early experiences of shame and embarrassment when pronouncing long words. This phobia may particularly affect patients with dyslexia, according to a 2011 review published in the journal The Reading Teacher(opens in new tab). Toilet PhobiaToilet phobias is a term used to describe a number of conditions in which people have difficulties around using the toilet, according to the charity National Phobics Society. These phobias may manifest as fear of being too far from the toilet, fear of using public toilets, or fear that others may be watching or listening when using the toilet. People with these conditions may go to extreme lengths to avoid going to the bathroom.

Defining the Four Pillars of Nurturing Children https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/defining-the-four-pillars-of-nurturing-children/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=dunham_2022&utm_content=postA nurturing mom provides thorough care that goes deeper than just meeting a child’s physical needs. Defining nurturing in all of its aspects can help parents provide nurturing care that will help their child’s growth and development.Michelle Beaulaurier, one of nine children, wrote the following to her mother: “I would not be where I am today had you not been where you were! You were my support system, my encourager, my peace, and my challenger to go for it and to use my talents. You were always there to point out my special, God-given talents so that I could reflect upon them and put them into use.”Michelle’s comments show that her mother provided multifaceted nurturing care for her. This mom undoubtedly went “below the surface” of her daughter’s most apparent needs, meeting her psychological and spiritual needs as well. Unfortunately, many intelligent moms act only on what they see with their eyes and focus only on life’s externals.A nurturing mom, however, provides the right kind of thorough care that goes deeper. I’m not saying this is easy. Far from it! Daily life requires us to pay close attention to myriad issues. Every day we must decide where our strongest focus should be. We could use more eyes, ears, and intuitiveness — as well as more hours in a day — to address the many details demanding our attention.Defining the 4 Pillars of Nurturing ChildrenThe right type of nurturing is multifaceted and involves four realms:The physical realmThe mental/intellectual realmThe emotional/psychological realmThe spiritual realmDefining nurturing in these realms can help us to care for our children more deeply. We need to care for our children in all of these dimensions, but we must realize that the needs are unseen in three of the four realms.1. The Physical Realm of NurturingDefining nurturing in the physical realm is somewhat easy because the needs are visible. Providing shelter, food to eat, and clothes to wear are obvious necessities. Being physically around to drive our children to their activities and attend to their health care are just a few of the needs that present themselves in a straightforward manner.Yet even in the physical sphere, we can go the extra mile with how we nurture our children. It takes work to prepare the right kinds of food and present them nicely. Have you noticed that in Scripture, so much of what is essential takes place around the table? Let’s not underestimate the value that comes from preparing and sharing food. At our house, we have a large table that can serve 14 to 18 people. We’ve served many dinners and enjoyed meals together with others, which teaches children to go and do likewise in their adult life.Generally speaking, caring for your child in the physical realm should be done in balance. Too little physical care reflects abuse or selfishness when we consistently ignore our family’s needs in favor of our own. Overindulgence, on the other hand, is just as destructive and leads to us spoiling our kids. Giving our children too many things decreases their appreciation for the benefits of work and reduces their incentive to provide a few things for themselves. Pushing a child to reach for physical perfection by demanding the best in appearance or the top spot at beauty pageants and athletic competitions counteracts healthy nurturing, no matter how well-intentioned the parent may be.2. The Mental and Intellectual Realm of Nurturing When we delve beneath the surface of our children’s physical needs, we find the mental realm of nurturing. How do we define nurture when it comes to our kids’ minds?Studies indicate that parents can affect their child’s IQ, interests, and abilities simply by reading aloud to them. According to early education expert and author Betty Bardige, “Reading aloud to young children is not only one of the best activities to stimulate language and cognitive skills; it also builds motivation, curiosity, and memory.” 1Research shows that when you read aloud to your children, you expose them to more words, which improves vocabulary, grammar, sentence structure, and general knowledge. Vocabulary is closely related to academic success, and it’s a key area on IQ tests. One study shows that as early as age two, children who are read to regularly display greater language comprehension, larger vocabularies, and higher cognitive skills than their peers. 2Researchers have also noted a connection between a child’s IQ score and how well that child is attached (or bonded) to his or her mother. One study of 36 middle-class mothers and their three-year-olds discovered that securely attached children scored 12 points higher on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale than insecurely attached children.3So you see, research continues to prove the all-around importance of good mothering. Moms, you have such an opportunity to enhance your children’s intelligence and even social success. Your role is irreplaceable.And of course, being involved in your child’s education will be best for your child. Numerous studies prove this too.3. The Emotional/Psychological Realm of NurturingWhile providing superior educational opportunities is essential, an even deeper need may remain unnurtured in nurturing the psychological or emotional realm. Because many aspects of a child’s identity exist internally, parents often possess a blind spot for these “unseen” dimensions and have trouble defining nurture in these areas.But unseen doesn’t mean unimportant. Erica Komisar states: “The more emotionally and physically a mother can be present for a child in the first three years, the better the chance that child will be emotionally healthy and mentally well.” 4Moms, we need to meet this emotional/psychological level of need and can do this in so many ways. We can nurture our children emotionally and psychologically by the words we say to them and the messages we send them through our body language and tone of voice. We can prevent or patch up emotional holes in our children’s hearts by developing the art of nurturing. It takes a lot of unselfish creative work to do it right.Let’s talk about the heart. Both the physical and the emotional heart are unseen. Each needs to be fed, nurtured, and exercised to grow and function efficiently. Keeping each strong is essential.When our awareness is heightened, we will find pleasure in doing those seemingly lesser things that strengthen the child’s inner being. Care of the emotional heart allows it to produce healthy fruit. What is flowing out of the heart at your house? Defining how to nurture in this area and making solid emotional connections preve...

10 Ways We Unintentionally Make Singles Feel Invisible in the ChurchBy Brenda Rogers, ibelieve.comI dreaded Sunday; it was my least favorite day of the week. I went to church, but not Bible study because there wasn't a class for me. I sat on the pew alone watching married couples in front of me holding hands. Then I quietly slipped out. After all, I was single.I was most aware of my singleness when I went to church on Sunday mornings. It was like a sign hung from my neck, tagging me as someone to treat with kid-gloves or to not engage at all.That was about 10 years ago, and since then, there has been more conversation about singleness in the church. This is good. However, we need to keep this topic in the front of our minds or else we'll miss an entire group of people who need discipling and shepherding just as much as anyone else.Here are 10 ways we unintentionally make singles feel invisible in the church:1. Believe They Have Ulterior MotivesAfter a training session on serving in the children's ministry, I went up to the male speaker to ask a question about what he was teaching us. He was fidgety and short with his answers – obviously uncomfortable. After that awkward interaction, I thought more about it, wondering why he acted that way. Then it hit me – I was a single woman talking to a married man. The room was filled with people, and my question was about the training he presented, but he may have seen me as someone with ulterior motives.There's no doubt that Christian men and women, single and married, need to be vigilant of snares from the enemy. He is prowling around like a lion waiting to kill, steal, and destroy our families, ministries, and callings. It is prudent and wise to treat interactions with the opposite sex, married or single, differently so that Satan does not get a foothold. However, we cannot operate under the fear that single people always have an ulterior motive when talking to someone of the opposite sex. Single people are not out to find a spouse or steal a spouse no matter the cost. We shouldn't treat them as if they are.2. Don't Include Them in Sermon ExamplesI've sat in church listening to sermons and thought, "What about the people who are single?" I used to be one of those people, and it was disheartening to hear a sermon where the emphasis of all life's struggles centered around being a spouse and parent. When we ignore an entire group of people in our congregations, it shows that we do not see them or understand them.Pastors and other church leaders, along with the congregation, should make understanding the needs of singles a priority so that they can address their needs in sermons and in other places within the church. This is how we love them. The opportunity is before us to disciple people before they are married so that, by God's grace, they make wise and healthy decisions and build strong marriages and families in the future. To ignore this group of people is a missed opportunity.Plus, single people can teach married people so much about modern culture that they may not realize in the context of marriage and family. I have found for myself that family life creates a sort of bubble where I become sheltered from issues in the world. Singles can help pop that bubble.3. Don't Talk to Them Like AdultsOnce at a social event, I was the only single woman. As I stood with a group of the women, one of them declared, "We really shouldn't be talking about this with Brenda here." Humiliation covered my face. She put me in a different category and made me feel like a child. The best way to understand singles is to befriend them not out of pity or even mentorship, but out of genuine desire for their friendship. Just treat them like you would any other adult and treat their friendship like any other friendship.4. Convey the Message that Singleness is a SinThe message that singleness is a sin is subtle, but it's there. I believe culture has a lot to do with this. The truth is people are waiting longer to get married for self-focused reasons - to travel, get advanced degrees, move up in a career, accumulate wealth, and enjoy the freedom of singleness. However, rushing into marriage or marrying an unequally yoked person can be an act of disobedience just as much as staying single for selfish reasons. Remember, the Bible tells us that people should not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).The decision to marry or stay single is a matter of the heart. I don't mean the romantic heart, but your heart relationship with Jesus. It's an act of obedience. An act of worship. An act of service. A person's decision to marry is uniquely personal. It will look different as God leads people differently.The state of singleness itself is not sinful. It does not inherently mean that a person is selfish or wants to date around or sow their oats. After all, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:38 that a person who stays single does even better than a person who marries. 5. Believe They are Doing Something Wrong or Something is Wrong with ThemPeople make the most inappropriate statements to single people."Why are you still single?" "Are you dating anyone yet?" "That biological clock is ticking!" "You're too pretty to be single!" "When are you going to get married?" "Anyone would be lucky to have you." "You can't be too picky!" "They're not going to come knocking at your door!"Comments like these convey the message that something needs to be done. There's a problem to fix, and the single person needs to figure it out and fix it. For someone who is single, and especially someone who is single but wants to be married, these comments are discouraging. Singleness isn't a problem. It's a calling, possibly a seasonal calling, and it's a gift.6. Assume They are Involved in Sexual SinI get it. According to statistics, most singles, even Christian singles in a church congregation, are engaging in premarital sex. However, when we assume that, for instance, a 30-year-old who has been dating someone for a year has to be involved in premarital sex, we diminish the power of the Holy Spirit and what the Word of God tells us.It is possible to date someone without having sex with them. Is it hard and does it get harder the longer you date? Of course. But we shouldn't charge singles with a sin we assume upon them because of their singleness.7. Convey the Message that Sanctification Only Comes Through MarriageWe have a tendency in the Western church to put these "rules" around our relationship with God and even put callings He established for us above our relationship with Him. For example, marriage and parenthood are often thought of as the highest callings, when in fact this is nowhere in the Bible. Are they high callings? Yes, extremely high callings. However, singleness is also an extremely high calling.Our highest calling is to glorify God in all that we say or do (Colossians 3:17) and through this, He wants to sanctify us. Sanctification does not come through one path. It is a proce...