Into the Void

The secret to life is enjoying the ride.  For Eagle.

In which Annie hauls her ass out of survival mode, with the help of some premium cannabis. She finds herself happily returned to the world of the present, where she is able to begin to repair her relationship with her wonderful group therapist, Rachel.

In which Annie feels like an insect. A flea.   And makes the painful decision decide to walk away from people who treat her in ways that contribute to such feelings--of insignificance and inhumanity; even when those people are her mother.

In which we hear Annie speak briefly to the election and her response to it.  As well, about Annie's response to other people's response to her response as compared to their response.  All of which amounts to a mouthful of projective identification.  Also in this episode-- leaps and bounds in the therapy room!  As, probably for the first time in her life, Annie feels fundamentally more steady and comfortable in the knowledge she has about her own character, comportment, and value.   Thereby releasing  herself from the curse of letting other people dictate who we are, or how we feel about ourselves.  L'chaim.

Annie starts this episode out a little #triggered, so please be thoughtful if you yourself get triggered before listening!  But 15 minutes later, she ends the episode in a very different state of mind, feeling almost a little happy, and very #grateful.  This one is for my beautiful cousin Michelle.  Love you cuz.

Self explanatory but you gotta listen, to get it.  Thank you to the universe for my strength and for rice pudding.

"Well," said the friend, "did you discover her point of view?"  "I don't know that I did," replied the woman, "but at any rate I think mine has undergone a considerable alteration." [Stephen Crane, An Experiment in Misery].

In which we hear some of Annie's thoughts on love and relationships in her therapy with Dr. X, and she shares a little more of her writing with us.

Wherein Annie reads to us from her work.  Trigger warning for those whom get triggered.

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  And the earth was without form, and void.  And darkness was across the face of the deep."   A philosophical/religious conversation between Annie and Daniel Meredith, Phd, about the nature of existence and the presence of a supreme being in the universe, and inside ourselves.     Buy Dan's book "Fallen Stars," below.  https://www.lulu.com/shop/daniel-meredith/fallen-stars/paperback/product-kp2484.html?page=1&pageSize=4&fbclid=IwY2xjawEtIHVleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHTEaZHDr68P8I2csZ8dBnCEfOS3ilT2guNx0tMwmbCReI_Y9kJXMfzVfqA_aem_pWF8waOZ6juKwooeEqw6UA

Addendum to the previous episode

Descripción del episodio no disponible.

In which Annie makes it to her comedy set at a NYC comedy club, tries to communicate honestly with her mom, and finds a little grace.

In which Annie shares part of her story again, and reflects on nourishment and solitude...  While eating McDonalds in her car.

In which Annie comes full circle during the taping of this 15 minute episode of the podcast, all while while doing her art, and more importantly, listening to a tape of a recent therapy session with her psychiatrist, Dr. X.

In which we hear some of what's been keeping Annie so stressed and harried feeling, and how she found some release, and power.

Wherein Annie catches us up in a slightly more grounded way, before resorting to one of her favorite activities, reading aloud from her writing.  Which this week included a lengthy quote from a book her shrink gave her, “Daily Affirmations for Forgiving, and Moving On.”  Make some green tea, or smoke some green, kick back, and have a nip of philosophy/psychology/fun with Annie.

Wherein Annie finds a little grace.   And seeks a little more.  Trigger warning for frank language/talk of sexual abuse.

In which Annie buys a house, decides to move and is able to give voice to her story for the first time in a more cohesive way, during an open mic on NYC. This is an episode with more than a little hint of light and hope.

Wherein Annie reflects a little more... authentically... about her recent experience in comedy class.  Or rather, her recent experience being 'kicked out' of comedy class.   And a number of different older parts come out to share the time and microphone.