Sex Therapy with Perfectionists: An Interview with Dr. Tom Murray

The Modern Therapist's Survival Guide with Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy

13-02-2023 • 36 minutos

Sex Therapy with Perfectionists: An Interview with Dr. Tom Murray Curt and Katie interview Dr. Tom Murray about sex therapy for clients with the overcontrolled temperament. We talk about how temperament can affect one’s sex life, what therapists often miss in conversations about sex, and what good sex therapy can look like for these clients.  Transcripts for this episode will be available at! An Interview with Dr. Tom Murray Dr. Tom Murray, author, international trainer, educator, and couples and sex therapist-supervisor, is a widely sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. For 20+ years, Murray has worked with everyday folks to embrace their weirdness, shed labels and shame, lean into anxiety, and build better and stronger relationships. Murray has appeared in numerous venues, including the Huffington Post and The Daily Mail, as well as radio, television and podcasts, including the Practice of Being Seen and Shrink Rap Radio. Murray directs A Path to Wellness, a multidisciplinary practice providing sex therapy, couples counseling, and general psychotherapy. He authored "Making Nice with Naughty: An intimacy guide for the rule-following, organized, perfectionist, practical, and color-within-the-line types." In this podcast episode, we talk about how temperament can impact your sex life We reached out to Dr. Tom Murray to share with us about his new book, Making Nice with Naughty, and how therapists can understand how to help perfectionists (and other over-controlled types) can improve their sex life. What is the overcontrolled personality and how does it impact sex and sexuality? Personality characteristics and mindset (introspective, fixed or fatalistic mindset) Perfectionism, rigidity, and hypervigilance Sexual deficits (low receptivity, avoidance of novel situations, need for ritual) Typically choose monogamy as overarching rule for sexual relationships The impact of trauma on those who are predisposed to the overcontrolled temperament The complication of past trauma on current relationships The challenge and the work of helping clients show up as the sexual being they would like to be How can therapists help overcontrolled adults to improve their sexual functioning? The goal of self-acceptance and the importance of learning about sex as an adult The rights and responsibilities of monogamy Sexual discrepancy and forced celibacy Looking at the difference between “want” and “willing” to have sex Understanding the different types of desire (spontaneous, responsive, contextual) and what is typical for each partner How to overcome low sexual desire in relationships Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode: We’ve pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance! The book: Making Nice with Naughty: An Intimacy Guide for the Rule-Following, Organized, Perfectionist, Practical, and Color-Within-The-Line Types by Dr. Thomas L. Murray Jr Tom’s website: Dr. Tom Murray on Instagram Dr. Tom Murray on TikTok Relevant Episodes of MTSG Podcast: Sex and Shame: An interview with Eliza Boquin, LMFT Let’s Talk about Sex: An interview with Liz Dube, LMFT What Therapists Should Know About Sexual Health, Monkey Pox, and the Echoes of the AIDS Epidemic: An Interview with Mallory Garrett, LMFT Stay in Touch with Curt, Katie, and the whole Therapy Reimagined #TherapyMovement: Patreon Buy Me A Coffee Our Linktree: Modern Therapist’s Survival Guide Creative Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano